Beverly Hills Vamp (1989)

Three nerds go to Hollywood wanting to become filmmakers with their written script and want to have action while being there in which they go to a whorehouse but then realise the prostitutes are vampires whom are out for their clients' blood.

There's a beginning with Prof. Sommerset discussing about vampires and a book on them which seemed to be necessary for a flick such as this one but it really didn't do much for me and then his phone rings when a pizza delivery is about to be sent to him which is totally unfunny no matter how hard they tried to break this moment on his tale. Also he goes to a woman weather forecaster discussing what countries the vampires are invading which looked utterly stupid to watch as well.
Corny moments with a hooker Jessica acting kinky with a police officer which gets your attention a little bit in a stupid way as you get the feeling that this woman is a vampiress and will be ready to strike her teeth into him as well as another vampiress getting kinky with another client riding him which I was thinking "How lame!!!!"
Lame discussions with three geeks lead by Kyle Carpenter going into an office to see if their script can be produced as well as them talking to a secretary Sherry Santa Monica with her sarcasm towards all of them which was uninspired. But an attention grabber of a framed poster of Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers on the back wall which I thought was suitable since this was done by the same makers.
In between this situation there is a bad horrifying moment with another stripped vampiress Kristina drinking blood from the neck of her client with bad writing on her sarcasm towards this dead body which looked lame to watch along with the rest of this story.
Then we have a discussion with a film producer Aaron Pendleton talking to these three nerds on their script and what they do which looked energised but still nothing special at all by what was being said.
Then more lame moments with the three of them hanging at their hotel as well as a window with three lustful women doing a tease behind their backs when they discuss about finding hot women to have sex with which was one of the lamest comedic scene's throughout this film.
Yet a nice moment when they go to the whorehouse and are introduced by the three vampiress hookers with them speaking smoothly towards them all as this looked good and soothing but then we break into lame moments with one of them whom is a photographer Brock getting his hooker Jessica to pose for him which looked long and pointless but during this time there's an interesting moment with Kristina getting flirtatious and tempting towards Kyle and convincing him to get it on with her but he tries to get out of this situation since he has a girlfriend as this was done in fairly strong. Also during this moment both Madame Cassandra and Kristina make out that they're putting him in a trance to stay but this doesn't look overly convincing at all.
Then the next day when Kyle goes back to the whorehouse and suddenly the place is deserted which works in a horror flick since these things often happen but yet this didn't work in well at all while watching these moments.
But however when Kyle reports this to the police on two missing friends they let them know the process would take 24 hours as I feel the frusteration for waiting that long since it's common to file a missing person report which seemed to do okay but yet nothing to brag about either.
Then when Kyle goes to get some help from Aaron we see him being skanky with a woman he may consider to have in his film which is a tongue in cheek skanky moment that fails to be funny like the rest of the story so far. But things really spice up when Russell enters and he is a vampire with some goofy moments on what he's talking about as well as some nice comedic one liners on Aaron telling Sherry to keep an eye on Russell as he won't bite but chokes on his words about that which adds a decent sense of humor since this person is already a vampire.
Yet things are impressive when the two of them go to the aid of Father Ferraro along with mentioning that he worked with him in Teenage Exorcist which this time added okay timing for the comedy and paying tributes to the other b-movies that were attached to one's. Some nicely drawn in discussions on what to do to put a stop to vampires and his advice.
Also a good moment with Kyle's girlfriend entering a room and we spot Sherry lying down lifeless with Russell showing off his fangs next to her and springing to life but then trying to cover up as to why she looked dead as things start to slope a bit with this situation.
But things fall flat once again when the two of them go to the whorehouse and tries to splash holy water on the servant entering the door and their trashy discussions with him not being a vampire and so fourth.
Yet another interesting moment when Aaron calling up Father Ferraro for more advice and he's being massaged down by a lustful nurse which offers nice timing.
The action happens greatly when both Kyle and Aaron go in to do a killing spree on the vampires which had neat effective special effects and the reactions with everyone and good special effects on a flash of a light on them and then end up vanishing along with some grissly effects on what they do to Madame Cassandra as this for sure can count horrific when these two save the day.
Bottom line is that I had a hard time seeing the horror in this one as it's barely considered that at all. Also the story is very weak and very slow as well as pointless offering plenty of stupid humor and skin. The film is easily forgettable and badly done no matter what way you see this. Not funny at all or the least bit scary.

The acting is pretty bad and only a handful to mention so I will do my best to mention the one's that grabbed my attention here...... Eddie Deezen (Kyle Carpenter) Man oh man is he ever annoying in this oen in fact with every film I've seen him in as he can only portray a nerd. He got on my nerves the most in this one and is over the top as always. Too hyperative for my tastes. He was never a first choice in my books.
Britt Ekland (Madame Cassandra) seemed to have done her role good and slick as the head mistress of the whorehouse by having a creepy and witty charm to her role. Does well by being strong with her speaking and just rolling with what she does throughout her performance.
Tom Shell (Russell) brought some spunk into his part of the film as well as going to a hype when is is now one of the creatures of the night. Had a great wild and hyperactive attitude with his words and actions springing to life whenver he had to behave this way.
Jay Richardson (Aaron Pendleton) really brought it out as a movie producer in which he added alot of spunk and energy into his part of the film as well as adding decent timing with his comedic performance even if the film wasn't funny itself. Also does well with his fast talking attitude too. He really got into his role big time and focused well on what he was doing.
Michelle Bauer (Kristina) shows off a good smooth speaking and lustful voice in which she often was good by doing this and was really slick with her performance. Of course she isn't a great actress but seemed to pull off her role as one of the head vampiress hookers along with doing a convincing job with her tempting charm and behavior throughout all of this.
Debra Lamb (Jessica) was another attention grabber as a vampiress prostitute in which she does a good job by acting kinky or having an outgoing attitude along with her perfect looks to portray this role. She got it onj quite well within whatever she did here as well as showing good vampiric expressions whenever she needed to behave this way. Seemed to really get into her role whenever she could.
Robert Quarry (Father Ferraro) was probably the best performer in which he showed perfect timing as a charming type of preacher and really got into what he was talking about as well as having a believeable light hearted attitude into all that he did here. He showed alot of enthusiasm into what he did here making his role truly likeable.

Lots of skin
A full back body shot on a vampiress sucking blood from their victim
Three women takes off their bikinis at a window of a hotel doing a tease with 3 nerds talking
A vampiress doing shots for a photographer and taking off her top
Vampiress takes off her top to tempt her victim
Actress is topless lying on a producers desk while he has fun with her
Another vampiress breasts are revealed while in bed with her client

A bloodily bitten neck on a corpse is revealed
Scarred neck bite on someone whom is now a vampire revealed
Broken stick is impaled on a vampiress
Head vampiress is scarred by holy water

Various different types of music composed for this parody and not done in a very good style either. At times there's the odd effective old fashioned vampire type organ music which worked in well along with some deep sounds of a synthesizer too. Otherwise we hear lame kookie music for the lame comedy that's used in this one which sounded extremely hokey all put together by Chuck Cirino