Blood Diner (1987)

   
Co-Produced & Directed by: Jackie Kong

Written by: Michael Sonye

Starring:

Rick Burks .... Michael Tutman
Carl Crew .... George Tutman
Roger Dauer .... Mark Shepard
LaNette La France .... Sheba Jackson
Lisa Elaina .... Connie Stanton
Max Morris .... Chief Miller

Release Date: Limited Theatrical: July 10, 1987

 

Rating:

 

Two canniballistic brothers whom run a diner resurrects their dead uncle by using his brain ina jar full of water as he commands them to kill various women to make their flesh part of their new special dish at their rundown restaurant while seeking blood sacrifices to awaken a dormant Egyptian goddess.

 

The beginning almost sounds promising in a cheesy way as we have what seems to be a maniac that we don't see yet spying on a home with his heavy breathing as we spot 2 kids in a house while their mother is out to get something. But then we see a cheesy moment on a door being sliced up with this maniac in a meatcleaver only to find out that it's the kids' uncle and they have a corny conversation as this made my eyes roll. I knew I was in for a bad flick.
There's yet a good setting when we see the two siblings now older whom is Michael and George Tutman digging up their uncle's grave as well as them knocking out a police officer in which the settings were done in a good horror type of fashion. A nice shot on the corpse they dig up but then things get corny and kookie again as I thought to myself "Ho Hum!"

More trashy moments at a police station with Chief Miller talking to dorky detective Mark Shepard on the cases of homicides and the moments with these two interacting which looked terribly goofy and unfunny even if the makers were trying to make you laugh it just didn't work.
However in the next scene there's an oddly amusing moment when the two brothers brings their uncle to life by putting his eyeballs and brain together in a container of water which seemed to work in but nothing to be taken seriously at all.
Then really corny moments with them working at their diner and good close up shots on George chopping away vegetables to put in the burgers as well as a burly man stuffing his face and being annoying which got on my nerves while watching all of this.
An effective moment going on in the diner is some highschool cheerleader whom are vegetarians discussing situations as well as being snobby towards the nice girl Connie Stanton with her getting emotional which seemed to work in the story as well as a nice warming attitude by Michael which draws you in more thinking a psycho can hide his secret by seemingly charming.
Then we spot a bizarre scene with nude cheerleaders doing a dance workout practise as this is a real attention grabber looking typically trashy and then a maniac coming in wearing a mask and shooting all of them down which looked like a revenge moment after being mean to the innocent girl.
Nice close up shots on the brothers sewing together body parts for a goddess they plan on resurrecting with the brain talking uncle of theirs instructing them. This seemed to show decent timing.
Another scene looked amusing was when the brothers drssed up to be hip by going to a singles bar as well as slapstick moments by what they do to one of the bouncers by throwing him as well as them picking up some chicks which you get a sinking feeling on what they really want and it's not a hook up.
Gross moment with Michael making out that he's going to get it on with one of these women at his diner by smothering batter all over her as this leaves an impression on what he has plans for her.
Also a good moment with the other one discovering on what happened to her friend as well as trying to escape but realising that she needs to get her pruse and things spilling out of it which of course shows a nice spoof on someone making unwise choices in order to never get away and be killed.
In the diner we have the brothers offering free samples which kinda grossed me out as it's not your everyday meat. Plus we have another discussion with Connie talking to Michael when he offers a date with her as well as a good shot on him staring at her in a strange way along with her as if she's under his spell which looked impressive.
Also many sequences with Mark and his sidekick Sheba Jackson questioning people at a grungy diner and looking for clues as we have a dummy sitting there talking which made me chuckle a bit only to find these moment silly and stupid.
More stupid situations with George driving a van grooving to some music and constantly running over a hitchhiking biker as I found this totally pointless and lame to watch the outcome as this looked like a total time waster.
Oddly interesting moment near a seaside wiht a naked woman being pitted against this maniac when he is holding an axe and her using her martial arts against him but this was nothing to brag about either.
Energetic moments when George is doing a wrestling match against a big guy as well as Michael bringing Sheba as a date to watch this and at the end of the scene it was a date gone wrong with something that happens to this big wrestler which seemed mildly shocking to watch.
Decent timing when both Michael and George are at a stoplight next to another vehicle driven by Sheba and George moons her as the moments here looked fairly energetic to watch and one of the only good scene's in this lame flick.
Quarter way through there's some good shots on a band playing at a dance club as well as gross out moments on people eating body parts as well as fast action shots on them eating one another in a decent zombie type of fashion along with the goddess awakening looking monstrous and using her electric powers as the effects seemed not too badly done but yet this goddess looked a bit stupid in which she has a monstrous mouth for a stomach. Alot of this was again slapstich combined with horror which didn't work out well.
Bottom line is that this film was a Trom Team type horror flick by how it was all put together as we have stupid comedy, many gross out moments, lots of sickening situations, lots of skin and a lame storyline that doesn't take itself seriously. Only thing is Lloyd Kaufman had nothing to do with this project. It's hard to watch if you have a strong stomach but the comedy kinda makes up for the sickening moments. Still that's nothing to brag about.

The acting is very slapstcik tongue in cheek and alot of the time over the top as they looked like they graduated from a Troma Team flick in other words pretty bad. Rick Burks (Michael Tutman) seemed to pull his weight okay as the level headed psychopath cannibal. Seemed to do not too badly with his deceivingly charming and decent type of attitude. Also showed a nice expression like putting someone in a trance which shows off nicely. Offers great energy when he goes in for the kill with his victims.
Carl Crew (George Tutman) played the zany goofball sibling which he knew on how to act crazy and not being able to control himself. Brings his energy to a hype especially when he's cutting vegetables at the diner as he leaves an impression that he's not someone to mess with. Offers a good vicious attitude in many scene's. He's a little too over the top in alot of scene's but he made his aprt worthy nonetheless.
Roger Dauer (Mark Shepard) was wooden in his role as a detective in which he was too corny in his performance. He acted like a complete idiot by everything that he did here. Of course his part was meant to be like that but his characteristics were way too off.
LaNette La France
(Sheba Jackson) was the best out of the whole cast and had her part nailed down wonderfully. Shows a great sharp type of behavior along with a good serious no nonsense tough as nails attitude too. Said her lines clearly and was on the ball within every scene that she was in. A true character actress and thought she can go places.
Lisa Elaina (Connie Stanton) looked great playing the virgin type of scream queen since we need someone like her as she had the healthy good girl next door looks and appeal. She tried her best to portray a character but there's certain moments that sh'e rough at like getting emotional which is tough to do I must admit. She needed a bit of acting lessons to improve though.
Max Morris
(Chief Miller) is probably the worst of them all as he did not know on how to portray a serious chief of the law. He was too zany and got carried away. Very annoying to watch him go in this flick. He was a poor choice if you ask me. Way too goofy by what he did.

Many topless cheerleaders doing an exercise workout
Barebreasted corpse being sewn up to turn into a goddess
Topless woman acting lustful in a flashback scene
A woman from a bar is barebreasted while having batter smothered all over her
A fully nude woman is revealed near a rocky beach totally stripped
Man moons someone in their vehicle

A brain pops out of a corpses head
Bodies are bloodily shots as well as body pieces cut apart and lying around
Head is run over by a vehicle
Decapitated heads are revealed here and there as well as various headless bodies in separate scene's too
Guts are torn out
Body is sliced in two
Cut off fingers are being served
Hands are cut off
Flesh on a wrestlers leg is chomped
Body pieces are revealed in a container at a dance club
People are eating one another and tearing off flesh
Heads are blown off

The music score composed by Don Preston was done in fair taste in which there's some creepy sounds for the certain scene's in this one like ghostly and haunting type synthesizer music as well as the odd chanting and hissing sounds too. There's also odd ball comedic composing but it fits for the slapstick moments for the story. However there's lame classical composing for some of the final gruesome moments at a blood feast happening during a cult ceremony at a dance club which went downhill big time.

Narrator: Warning! The truly unusual motion picture you are about to see contains many scenes of graphic violence. It is not intended for the faint of heart nor the young and impressionable. While it is a sad fact that mass homicide and practitioners of blood cults infest our society, the producers of this film wish to express that they do not condone, nor do they want to inspire, any of the human butchery or violence portrayed in this film. If you feel you will be offended by such material, please leave the theatre at once. Note: All of the mutilations, bodily dismemberments and cannibal rituals were performed by seasoned professionals. Please do not attempt any of these stunts at home. Thank you.

Radio news broadcaster: We interrupt this program to give you an important news bulletin: A suspect in the Happy Times All-Girls Glee Club slaying has fled the scene and managed to elude the police. He is armed and dangerous, and has been spotted in the West Side area, armed with a meat cleaver in one hand and his genitals in the other.