JOE KNETTER Talking To The Man Who Brought You ZOMBIE BUKKAKE by Owen Keehnen

Rochester Minnesota native Joe Knetter is standing solid in horrorland with one foot planted on the writing end of things and the other in front of the cameras. His horror novel 'Zombie Bukkake'...well, what can be said? It speaks for itself. Mr. Knetter has also penned two collections of short chilling tales 'Twisted Loneliness' and 'Sucked up Fhit' as well as writing the novella 'Trapdoor'. Through contacts and networking at various horror conventions he has also met the right people and has begun acting in horror films as well. He has appeared as a crazed fan in 'Horror Convention Massacre' (crazed fan at a horror convention, never), and a zombie mechanic in 'Doomed to Consume' with Nicole Blessing. He will be playing Russ Martin in John Gray's film 'Job' with Michael Pare, Tony Todd, Lee Perkins, and Michael Berryman, will appear as Buddy in Tony Urban's 'Psycho Cheerleaders', and is also set to appear in the star studded 'Demon Doll' alongside Lloyd Kaufman, Melantha Blackthorne, Elske McCain, and Suzi Lorrain. This guy sure as hell knows how to network and it's evident that he's having the time of his life. Joe was cool enough to take a few moments from his day to participate in this interview.



Okay Joe, lets start off with a visual. Would you please describe the room where you are answering these questions?

Well I'd like to say it's a really cool dungeon looking room full of S&M straps and disco lights...but I can't. I'm answering these questions sitting in my living room, on my couch. I have a desk next to the couch with my CPU on it. I have a wireless mouse and keyboard so I can sit on my couch, recline, and do my thing on the computer. I have a 53" widescreen HDTV in front of me currently playing American Idol.... the horror.

So how did a guy from Rochester MN. grow up to appear in horror flicks like 'Doomed to Consume' and 'The Horror Convention Massacre' and write horror books like your novel 'Zombie Bukkake'. Were you always drawn to the dark and twisted side of things?

I grew up on horror. Most kids go see Disney movies and shit. Not me. It was all about going to drive-in and seeing slasher flicks. I remember seeing Friday the 13th part 4 at least three times at the theatre when I was eight. My parents were good about letting me see what I wanted and what I wanted was horror. I was drawn to it. There's nothing like being scared. I couldn't get enough. I'd cut pictures out of Fangoria and hang them on my walls; I was reading Stephen King books while in Elementary school. Some people would probably think I was/am a little freaky and I wouldn't disagree with them. Anyone who has read my work knows that it's fucked up shit, but I think freaky is good. You should never have to feel like you have to be normal. There is no normal. I found what my passion is (horror) and my parents let me run with it. For that I thank them.

First off I'd like to hear about your new movie 'Job' about the murder of several priests at a boy's camp. The fantastic cast includes Tony Todd, Michael Pare, Michael Berryman, and Lee Perkins. Can you give me a teaser for that movie that will make it irresistible to the racks and razors readers?

I'm excited about 'Job'. I've been attached to that project for a while now and have been eagerly waiting for the filming to begin. I just did a panel at the Texas Fear Fest horror convention, which might I add was a great time. If you're a horror fan in the area defiantly attend the show next year. During the show we did a Q&A for the movie. When it was initially scheduled they had planned on showing footage from the completed film. Because of some scheduling conflicts the movie was put on hold. I figured no one would come to the panel since there really wasn't much to say. I couldn't have been more wrong. There were many excited fans wanting info on it. I should have known with all the cool actors attached it would be that way. Luckily the director of the film, John Gray, found out a couple days before the show that Demension films wanted in on the project I've been told we will begin shooting in the next three months and that Jonathan Davis from the band Korn is still going to be playing the title character. The script is fucking great. If you're a fan of 80's style slasher movies then you'll love it. It's a bloody, violent, unrelenting horror film. Defiantly a hard "R" movie. No PG-13 shit. Because of the religious theme it's defiantly going to piss some people off, which is good. Horror should never be watered down and safe. I can't really go into many details on the film but I can share what it's about. "Job is about a group of priests who run a summer camp for boys. They do some very bad things. When there is an accident involving one of the boys, Job, they try and cover it up. Years later Job is back from the dead looking to seek revenge on those who wronged him." I'm playing Russ Martin, the head security guard for the camp. It's a very cool role and I'm honored to be a part of the project. I just met Lee Perkins for the first time and wasn't really familiar with his work. I checked out some of his stuff. He's a great talent and a hell of a nice guy. Top to bottom the people involved are just fantastic.

'Demon Doll' with Lloyd Kaufman, Suzi Lorraine, Elske McCain, and Melantha Blackthorne sounds great as well. Why don't you tell me a little bit about that moviemaking experience.

Demon Doll hasn't been shot yet. I'm playing a character named Bart. I'm a real shit in it. The director, Tracy Crockett, is a friend of mine. The ladies are all hot and I get a chance to work with Don Prentiss again. I really enjoyed working with him on Doomed to Consume. Both of us get to play major assholes in the movie so it should be alot of fun. It's a revenge tale so you know were gonna do some horrible things.

I also want to hear about your role as a zombie mechanic in 'Doomed to Consume' starring Nicole Blessing.

Jason Stephenson and Jon Warner did an independent film called Off the Beaten Path. I believe Brain Damage films put that out. Anyway they had a premiere for it in Minneapolis and I drove up to check it out. I was impressed by the passion they put into making the movie. They are horror fans through and through. They told me about their next movie, which turned out to be Doomed to Consume. I told them I'd love to come up and play a cameo in it. I was doing a book tour at the time so I was only on set the one day. It was bloody good fun. I got a wicked laceration effect on my forehead that looks great. To me it resembles a big gaping vagina overflowing with crimson cunt sauce. My scene is short but I ended up making it on the poster, DVD art and both t-shirts. They encounter me while stopping for gas. Most independent zombie movies are as much comedy as horror. While there is some comedy, candy bar, for the most part they played it straight which I thought was really cool. They just had 2 very successful theatrical showings in Minneapolis with fans showing up dressed as zombies. It doesn't get any cooler than that. I was in Texas doing a signing so I missed both showings. I know they are planning a couple more so I will be attending at least one of them.

What's the key to acting like a zombie?

Buy into it completely. Don't try to act too much or you'll end up being a parody of the Romero movies. Just go for it and for fucks sakes walk. None of that running shit. Follow the four basic principles: stumble around, groan, kill, eat.

So did the movie roles grow out of your appearances and networking at horror conventions...or did that develop independently?

Networking. I've only been writing for a few years and didn't know anyone. I bought a vendor table at Cinema Wasteland in Ohio, it was the first horror convention I had ever been to, and had so much fun that I decided to do more. Each show I did I got to know more and more people. I like to have fun at the shows; I'm known for that as much as my writing, so I blend in well. Connections were made and I started getting movie roles, magazine connections etc. If I hadn't taken a chance and went to that first show I never would be where I am now.

You've written four very twisted books to date -- the short story collections 'Twisted Loneliness' and 'Sucked up Shit', the novella 'Trapdoor', and your novel 'Zombie Bukkake'. What can we expect from you next on the writing front?

My next book is titled 'See you in Tea'. It's a novella that's unlike anything I've done before. It's still horror but it's much more quiet. It's not full of all the nastiness I usually write. I'm really interested in seeing the response to it. It should be out in May. A detailed synopsis is on my site. After that I have my choose your own adventure book called 'Slashicide' coming out in October. I grew up on those books and really wanted to write a hardcore, gory, slasher version. It's nasty and twisted. There are six different endings depending on the path you take. I've talked with Angela Bettis (May, Sick Girl) about doing the intro. I think my fans will definitely love it. Again you can read a detailed synopsis on my site. Next year I'll have 2 new novels out (Vampire Sanchez and Blood Friends) and 2 new short story collections. There should be info about them out soon. I have the cover art for Vampire Sanchez posted on my site and it's pretty fucking funny.

I am curious. What's your main inspiration for your stories? Where do all those insane ideas come from?

Most my ideas are rooted in personal experiences in some way. I take things around me and twist them. A perfect example is my story Rubber Ducky from the short story collection Twisted Loneliness. I was in my bathroom taking a shit. While sitting I noticed a rubber ducky sitting on the edge of the bathtub. I combined shit and rubber duckys. I wrote the story immediately after wiping and flushing. Most of my work starts like that. Little things around me. I have a vivid imagination and a wicked sense of humor. I sometimes giggle to myself as I type the insanity.

So Joe, should we expect to see you writing some horror screenplays in the future?

Yes. I've had a few offers but have been too busy to really jump on board. I would really love the opportunity to do something cool though and guess it will happen very soon.

Okay, we're pulling the car into the Joe Knetter Drive In. What three scare flicks are on the triple bill tonight and what goodies are they going to be serving up at the concession stand?

Mother's Day, Peter Jackson's Braindead, Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2. They'd be serving nachos and pot brownies. You need the pot brownies to fully experience these movies. The nachos.... well.... I just think they are delicious.

What makes you go psycho in real life?

Stupidity. I ran a quick service restaurant for years and was constantly shocked by the vast amounts of just plain dumb fucks there are out there. Honestly I wonder how they can even get themselves dressed in the morning. There wasn't a day that went by that I didn't consider jumping over the counter and pummeling someone.

What scares you in real life?

Spiders. They really freak me the fuck out. All you have to do is read my story "Spider webs" to see that. Other than that, goats. When I was 7 or 8 I was at a fair in a petting zoo. All of a sudden a goat charged me, connecting squarely with my balls. My sack was ripped open. There's nothing like a bloody scrotum to instill life-long fear.