 Laurene
Landon is quite a character
– gorgeous (though she
refuses to admit it!), funny,
multi-talented,
unique…she’s got it
all. She did a body slam onto the
movie scene as Molly in the
Robert Aldrich-Peter Falk female
wrestling comedy ‘All The
Marbles’. She was the
butt-kicking warrior princess in
pelts as the title character in
‘Hundra’, a great
little Conan-esque (The Barbarian
not O’Brien) gem from the
80s. To horror fans she is
probably most famous as Detective
Teresa Mallory in ‘Maniac
Cop’ 1 & 2 opposite
Bruce Campbell and
rage-aholic-behind-a-badge Robert
Z’Dar. Her other roles
include the delicious Vanilla in
Bette Davis’ film swan-song
‘The Wicked
Stepmother’, prostitute
Sally in that cannibal kids
series ‘It’s Alive III:
Island of the Alive’
opposite Michael Moriarty and
Karen Black, the big hair and
lycra opus ‘Roller
Boogie’, the wonderfully
outrageous black comedy
‘America 3000’, and
Larry Cohen’s horror flick
‘The Stuff’. She was
Testa in ‘Airplane II: The
Sequel’, and Velda in the
Mickey Spillane gem ‘I, The
Jury’ opposite Armand
Assante as Matt Hammer, and more.
Her TV credits include
guest-starring roles on
‘Charlie’s
Angels’, ‘The Dukes of
Hazzard’, and ‘The
Rockford Files’. She
has two new movies in the works
(one as a psychotic yoga
instructor – “Breathe
deeply and Die!) and (hurrah!)
she’s the latest
www.racksandrazors.com
interviewee!!!Owen: Hi
Laurene - in your movies you are
often quite physical...you were
wonderful as wrestler Molly in
'All The Marbles', skated in
'Roller Boogie, were very
physical as the title character
in 'Hundra' and 'Yellowhair and
the Fortress of Gold', and wield
a chainsaw in 'Maniac Cop
2', just to name a
few. Are you sort of
an athlete/jock in real life?
LAURENE:
ARE YOU JOKIN'? I GET
WINDED TURNING IN MY SLEEP.
MY EXCERCISE ROUTINE CONSISTS OF
BREAK DANCING NUDE IN A POOL OF
MOTOR OIL, AND PUMPING
IRONY. SERIOUSLY, I HAVE
ALWAYS BEEN A TOM BOY, SINCE MY
DAD NEVER WANTED ME TO
DATE. MAYBE THAT'S
WHY I MAJORED IN RAGE MANAGEMENT.
Owen:
Was that swordplay stuff
tough to learn in 'Hundra'?
LAURENE:
LET'S JUST SAY A BUNCH
OF STUNT MEN QUIT WHEN THEY
REALIZED THIS WAS NOT A MOVIE BUT
REAL LIFE FOR ME. I THOUGHT
IT WAS IMPERATIVE FOR
BELIEVABILITY. I HAVE A FEW
TROPHIES ON THE WALL FROM THAT
MOVIE. THEY ARE THE HEADS
OF FRANCISCO, JOSE, AND MIGUEL.
Owen:
So what was your most challenging
stunt thus far in your film
career?
LAURENE:
CONVINCING DIRECTORS TO
HIRE ME. SERIOUSLY IT WAS IN
HUNDRA WHERE I JUMPED OFF A
BUILDING ONTO A HORSE
BELOW. HE FELL FOR IT IN
REHEARSAL, BUT WHEN WE SHOT IT,
THE DAMN HORSE MOVED OUT OF THE
WAY. I LANDED ON THE
CEMENT, SPREAD EAGLED. THAT'S HOW
I LOST MY VIRGINITY.
Owen:
Tell me about your work as
Detective Teresa Mallory in 'Maniac
Cop' 1 & 2.
Owen:
I WANTED TO PLAY HER MUCH
TOUGHER, BUT THE DIRECTOR NOTICED
I HAD A FEW MENTAL PROBLEMS TO
BEGIN WITH AND WANTED TO USE IT
AGAINST MY CHARACTER IN THE
MOVIE. TERESA WAS NAMED
AFTER MY BELOVED MOTHER, GOD REST
HER SOUL.
Owen:
And the word on Bruce Campbell?
LAURENE:
HE'S A CORPORATION ALL BY
HIMSELF. HE WRITES BOOKS,
MAKES MOVIES AND MAKES ME
JEALOUS. JUST
KIDDING. BRUCE IS BY FAR
THE CRAZIEST FOOL I HAVE
EVER MET. WISH I COULD FIND
A MAN LIKE HIM.
Owen:
Okay, is Robert Z'Dar as scary in
real life as he often is on
film?
LAURENE:
OH NO, HE'S SCARIER. JUST
KIDDING. HE IS A BASTION OF
MORALITY, AND A PERFECT
GENTLEMAN, ALMOST TOOOOOOOOO
PERFECT. I DON'T TRUST HIM.
Owen:
Joe Bob Briggs gave you a
drive-in nomination for 'Maniac
Cop 2'. Did you
get some sort of little
certificate or something or was
it just the glory?
LAURENE:
I DIDN'T NEED A TROPHY, CAUSE
WHAT JOE BOB SAYS IS GOSPEL, AND
I'D RATHER HAVE HIS APPROVAL THAN
THAT RIGGED SHOW CALLED "THE
ACADAMY AWARDS".
WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE
ANYWAY??? IF JOE BOB HOSTED
IT, IT WOULD HAVE A LITTLE MORE
CREDENCE TO IT. JOE BOB IS
A FOX BY THE WAY.
Owen:
'Maniac Cop' was
written and produced by Larry
Cohen ('Q The Winged
Serpent', 'God
Told Me To', 'It's
Alive') and you also
worked in his projects in 'The
Stuff', 'I, the
Jury', and 'It's
Alive III: Island of the Alive'. Was
there some special connection
there?
LAURENE:
LARRY WAS IMPRESSED WITH MY
WRITING WHEN WE MET. I
SHOWED HIM A SCREENPLAY CALLED
"ABERRATION"
THAT I SCRIBED IN LESS THAN A
WEEK. IT WAS A TYPICAL
KNIFE WIELDING, REVENGE SEEKING
PSYCHO-THRILLER. HE LIKED
THAT I WAS A SMART ASS, AND WE
BOTH HAD THE SAME WICKED SENSE OF
HUMOR. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS
FOR OVER TWENTY YEARS. LARRY IS
THE SMARTEST, KINDEST, FUNNIEST
MAN I EVER KNEW, BAR NONE.
I WROTE LYRICS FOR THE MTA
REGARDING LIGHT RAIL TRAIN
SAFETY, FOR 9 COMMERCIALS, WHICH
WERE EXTRAPOLATED AND MADE INTO A
5 MINUTE 3-D MOBILE
TRAILER. MY LYRICS WON THE
WORLD GOLD MEDAL AT THE NEW YORK
FESTIVALS RECENTLY OUT OF 10,000
APPLICANTS. THEY WON SOME
OTHER AWARDS AS WELL. I
WILL SEND THEM TO YOU.
LARRY WAS BLOWN AWAY WHEN HE READ
THEM
Owen:
Speaking if 'It's Alive
III'. Tell me
about your work as Sally on
that movie
opposite horror faves Karen
Black and Michael Moriarty?
LAURENE:
I PLAYED A HOOKER--WHAT
A SURPRISE. IT WAS AN HONOR
AND PRIVELEGE TO WORK WITH
MICHAEL. HE IS ONE OF BEST
ACTORS ALIVE, THAT IS, IF HE IS
STILL ALIVE. I DON'T KNOW
WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM. HE
WAS SO FOCUSED, AND I REALLY
RESPECTED HIM FOR THAT. I
GOT ANGRY THAT OUR LOVE
SCENE WAS SIMULATED. I LIKE
TO GO FOR REALISM.
Owen:
So what was it like as Vanilla on
the 'The Wicked
Stepmother'? Was
there weirdness on the set
since it was Bette Davis'
final film and she walked
off after only a few days
and was replaced mid-movie by
Barbara Carrera (hmm!)?
LAURENE:
CONTRARY TO POPULAR BELIEF, BETTE
HAD SOME MAJOR GUM PROBLEMS, AND
HER TEETH KEPT FALLING OUT, AND
SHE WAS ILL, VERY ILL WHICH SHE
DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW
ABOUT. SHE WAS A
CHAMPION. SHE LEFT THE SHOW
TO GO TO NEW YORK TO SEE HER
DENTIST. I HAD THE PLEASURE
AND HONOR TO COLD READ WITH HER
FOR BARBARA'S PART. SHE
SAID I DID A WONDERFUL JOB.
SHE SAID IT TO MY FACE. I
WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. IT
GAVE ME HOPE COMING FROM THE
GRAND DAME OF FILM.
Owen:
Tell me about your two
new film 'Stand Up'.
LAURENE:
I PLAY A PSYCHO, YOGA INSTRUCTOR
WHO HAS NO TOLERANCE FOR
ANYONE. GILBERT GOTTFRIED
IS IN IT AS WELL. I START
ON THE TWENTY NINETH OF THIS
MONTH. WHAT MONTH IS IT
ANYHOW?
Owen: And
what's the scoop on your other
new film 'Silvergun
Samurai'?
LAURENE:
CAN'T GO INTO IT MUCH RIGHT NOW,
BUT I PLAY A MAFIA
PRINCESS. ACTUALLY, SHE'S
THE DON. HER NAME IS DONNA
MIA, AND SHE AIN'T PRETTY.
Owen:
You even worked on a 'Charlie's
Angels' episode.
Did you get any shit from the
regulars for being a beautiful
woman on the set?
LAURENE:
I DON'T CONSIDER MYSELF
BEAUTIFUL--NEVER DID, NEVER
WILL. IT'S JUST MAYBELLINE
AND DENTAL FLOSS, BUT THANK YOU
FOR THE COMPLIMENT. I THINK
BEAUTY EMANATES FROM THE
INSIDE. I AM VISCERAL, NOT
VISUAL LIKE MOST OF HOLLYWOOD.
LOOKS ARE FUGACIOUS OR EPHEMERAL,
IF YOU WILL, AND MY DEFINITION OF
BEAUTY WOULD BE SOMEONE LIKE THAT
GLORIOUS, ENOBLED, CLASSY
WOMAN--DAME EDNA
Owen:
So what does it for you thrills
wise --- vampires, zombies,
mummies, werewolves, aliens,
creatures, maniacs -- and more
importantly, why?
LAURENE:
MANIACS, CAUSE THEY ARE
OUT THERE, AND THEY ARE REAL .. I
AM FASCINATED BY PSYCHOLOGY, AND
MORE SPECIFICALLY, SERIAL
KILLERS-- AND THE TWISTED MIND
SET THEY POSSESS.
Owen:
What scares you in real life?
LAURENE:
MEN. IF I MEET SOMEONE I'M
ATTRACTED TO, I START TWITCHING,
SHAKING, AND STUTTER--THEN RUN
LIKE HELL. I WAS BLESSED
WITH THIS CURSE AT AN EARLY AGE,
AND HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN ABLE
TO OVER COME IT.
Owen:
And what makes you scream in real
life?
LAURENE:
MY MIRROR
.
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