Owen: Hi Laurene - in your movies you are often
quite physical...you were wonderful as wrestler
Molly in 'All The Marbles', skated in
'Roller Boogie, were very physical as the
title character in 'Hundra' and 'Yellowhair and
the Fortress of Gold', and wield a chainsaw in
'Maniac Cop 2', just to name a
few. Are you sort of an athlete/jock
in real life?
LAURENE: ARE YOU JOKIN'? I GET WINDED TURNING
IN MY SLEEP. MY EXCERCISE ROUTINE CONSISTS
OF BREAK DANCING NUDE IN A POOL OF MOTOR OIL, AND
PUMPING IRONY. SERIOUSLY, I HAVE ALWAYS
BEEN A TOM BOY, SINCE MY DAD NEVER WANTED ME TO
DATE. MAYBE THAT'S WHY I MAJORED IN
Was that swordplay stuff tough to learn
JUST SAY A BUNCH OF STUNT MEN QUIT WHEN THEY
REALIZED THIS WAS NOT A MOVIE BUT REAL LIFE FOR
ME. I THOUGHT IT WAS IMPERATIVE FOR
BELIEVABILITY. I HAVE A FEW TROPHIES ON THE
WALL FROM THAT MOVIE. THEY ARE THE HEADS OF
FRANCISCO, JOSE, AND MIGUEL.
So what was your most challenging stunt thus far
in your film career?
DIRECTORS TO HIRE ME. SERIOUSLY IT WAS IN HUNDRA
WHERE I JUMPED OFF A BUILDING ONTO A HORSE
BELOW. HE FELL FOR IT IN REHEARSAL, BUT
WHEN WE SHOT IT, THE DAMN HORSE MOVED OUT OF THE
WAY. I LANDED ON THE CEMENT, SPREAD EAGLED.
THAT'S HOW I LOST MY VIRGINITY.
Tell me about your work as Detective Teresa
Mallory in 'Maniac Cop' 1 &
Owen: I WANTED TO
PLAY HER MUCH TOUGHER, BUT THE DIRECTOR NOTICED I
HAD A FEW MENTAL PROBLEMS TO BEGIN WITH AND
WANTED TO USE IT AGAINST MY CHARACTER IN THE
MOVIE. TERESA WAS NAMED AFTER MY BELOVED
MOTHER, GOD REST HER SOUL.
And the word on Bruce Campbell?
LAURENE: HE'S A
CORPORATION ALL BY HIMSELF. HE WRITES
BOOKS, MAKES MOVIES AND MAKES ME JEALOUS.
JUST KIDDING. BRUCE IS BY FAR THE
CRAZIEST FOOL I HAVE EVER MET. WISH I
COULD FIND A MAN LIKE HIM.
Owen: Okay, is Robert Z'Dar as scary in real life as he
often is on film?
LAURENE: OH NO,
HE'S SCARIER. JUST KIDDING. HE IS A
BASTION OF MORALITY, AND A PERFECT GENTLEMAN,
ALMOST TOOOOOOOOO PERFECT. I DON'T TRUST
Owen: Joe Bob
Briggs gave you a drive-in nomination for 'Maniac
Cop 2'. Did you get some sort of
little certificate or something or was it just
LAURENE: I DIDN'T NEED A TROPHY, CAUSE WHAT JOE BOB SAYS
IS GOSPEL, AND I'D RATHER HAVE HIS APPROVAL THAN
THAT RIGGED SHOW CALLED "THE ACADAMY
AWARDS". WHO ARE THOSE PEOPLE
ANYWAY??? IF JOE BOB HOSTED IT, IT WOULD
HAVE A LITTLE MORE CREDENCE TO IT. JOE BOB
IS A FOX BY THE WAY.
'Maniac Cop' was written and
produced by Larry Cohen ('Q The Winged
Serpent', 'God Told Me To',
'It's Alive') and you also
worked in his projects in 'The Stuff',
'I, the Jury', and 'It's
Alive III: Island of the Alive'. Was
there some special connection there?
LAURENE: LARRY WAS
IMPRESSED WITH MY WRITING WHEN WE MET. I
SHOWED HIM A SCREENPLAY CALLED "ABERRATION"
THAT I SCRIBED IN LESS THAN A WEEK. IT WAS
A TYPICAL KNIFE WIELDING, REVENGE SEEKING
PSYCHO-THRILLER. HE LIKED THAT I WAS A
SMART ASS, AND WE BOTH HAD THE SAME WICKED SENSE
OF HUMOR. WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS FOR OVER
TWENTY YEARS. LARRY IS THE SMARTEST, KINDEST,
FUNNIEST MAN I EVER KNEW, BAR NONE. I WROTE
LYRICS FOR THE MTA REGARDING LIGHT RAIL TRAIN
SAFETY, FOR 9 COMMERCIALS, WHICH WERE
EXTRAPOLATED AND MADE INTO A 5 MINUTE 3-D MOBILE
TRAILER. MY LYRICS WON THE WORLD GOLD MEDAL
AT THE NEW YORK FESTIVALS RECENTLY OUT OF 10,000
APPLICANTS. THEY WON SOME OTHER AWARDS AS
WELL. I WILL SEND THEM TO YOU. LARRY
WAS BLOWN AWAY WHEN HE READ THEM
Speaking if 'It's Alive III'.
Tell me about your work as Sally on
that movie opposite horror faves Karen
Black and Michael Moriarty?
LAURENE: I PLAYED
A HOOKER--WHAT A SURPRISE. IT WAS AN HONOR
AND PRIVELEGE TO WORK WITH MICHAEL. HE IS
ONE OF BEST ACTORS ALIVE, THAT IS, IF HE IS STILL
ALIVE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO
HIM. HE WAS SO FOCUSED, AND I REALLY
RESPECTED HIM FOR THAT. I GOT ANGRY
THAT OUR LOVE SCENE WAS SIMULATED. I
LIKE TO GO FOR REALISM.
So what was it like as Vanilla on the 'The
Wicked Stepmother'? Was
there weirdness on the set since it
was Bette Davis' final film and she walked
off after only a few days and was replaced
mid-movie by Barbara Carrera (hmm!)?
TO POPULAR BELIEF, BETTE HAD SOME MAJOR GUM
PROBLEMS, AND HER TEETH KEPT FALLING OUT, AND SHE
WAS ILL, VERY ILL WHICH SHE DIDN'T WANT ANYONE TO
KNOW ABOUT. SHE WAS A CHAMPION. SHE
LEFT THE SHOW TO GO TO NEW YORK TO SEE HER
DENTIST. I HAD THE PLEASURE AND HONOR TO
COLD READ WITH HER FOR BARBARA'S PART. SHE
SAID I DID A WONDERFUL JOB. SHE SAID IT TO
MY FACE. I WILL NEVER FORGET THAT. IT
GAVE ME HOPE COMING FROM THE GRAND DAME OF FILM.
Tell me about your two new film 'Stand
LAURENE: I PLAY A PSYCHO, YOGA INSTRUCTOR WHO HAS NO
TOLERANCE FOR ANYONE. GILBERT GOTTFRIED IS
IN IT AS WELL. I START ON THE TWENTY NINETH
OF THIS MONTH. WHAT MONTH IS IT ANYHOW?
And what's the scoop on your other new film
LAURENE: CAN'T GO
INTO IT MUCH RIGHT NOW, BUT I PLAY A MAFIA
PRINCESS. ACTUALLY, SHE'S THE DON.
HER NAME IS DONNA MIA, AND SHE AIN'T PRETTY.
You even worked on a 'Charlie's
Angels' episode. Did you get any
shit from the regulars for being a beautiful
woman on the set?
LAURENE: I DON'T
CONSIDER MYSELF BEAUTIFUL--NEVER DID, NEVER
WILL. IT'S JUST MAYBELLINE AND DENTAL
FLOSS, BUT THANK YOU FOR THE COMPLIMENT. I
THINK BEAUTY EMANATES FROM THE INSIDE. I AM
VISCERAL, NOT VISUAL LIKE MOST OF HOLLYWOOD.
LOOKS ARE FUGACIOUS OR EPHEMERAL, IF YOU WILL,
AND MY DEFINITION OF BEAUTY WOULD BE SOMEONE LIKE
THAT GLORIOUS, ENOBLED, CLASSY WOMAN--DAME EDNA
Owen: So what does it for you thrills wise ---
vampires, zombies, mummies, werewolves, aliens,
creatures, maniacs -- and more importantly,
CAUSE THEY ARE OUT THERE, AND THEY ARE REAL .. I
AM FASCINATED BY PSYCHOLOGY, AND MORE
SPECIFICALLY, SERIAL KILLERS-- AND THE
TWISTED MIND SET THEY POSSESS.
What scares you in real life?
LAURENE: MEN. IF I MEET SOMEONE I'M ATTRACTED TO, I
START TWITCHING, SHAKING, AND STUTTER--THEN RUN
LIKE HELL. I WAS BLESSED WITH THIS CURSE AT
AN EARLY AGE, AND HAVE NEVER REALLY BEEN ABLE TO
OVER COME IT.
Owen: And what makes you scream in real life?