The Italian actress, who interestingly maintains her actual first name
in the 2002 film ‘Ghost Ship’, is perhaps the best yet least known of the true Sirens of the High Seas. Beautiful and at the same time evil, with a wicked set of chests to boot, Francesca is a looker with A Plan…

My obsession began when the film first hit theatres. I was delighted with the prospect of a haunted old 1950s ocean liner, having been a big fan of the Haunted Mansion and it’s corrosion as a child; a current mania for all that is mid-century, from chrome tail fins to amoeboid laminated coffee tables; AND an unending love of ocean liners – particularly ones in distress (Titan to Poseidon) – these were all promised to me in this film – well, at least in the first few moments.

The lovely turquoise bubbles and the lush soundtrack, hardly reminiscent of any horror-film opening, bubbles then yielding to a gorgeous sweeping aerial shot of the ship at sea, while a terrifically late 50’s/early 60’s script font announced the title of the film. The music, consisting of eerily yet dreamy refrains of the opening song ‘Senza Fine’ (Without End) prompted the beginning of the film, which blatantly flew in the face of any other horror film.

What proceeded was one of my favorite scenes in horror-film history, and an obsession that would not leave me.

We are introduced to the grand deck of the fictitious liner ‘Antonia Graza’ a thinly veiled reference to the real life Italian liner ‘Andrea Doria’. 
Here we see a dance taking place on the foredeck,
the scene dissolving to a fabulously gorgeous woman with raven black hair (in vintage fashion of the period, 1962 to be exact), blood red earrings the length of her neck, and a strapless Chinese-red evening gown which leaves one wondering “how’d she get into it?” The dissolve occurs just as she begins the vocal – ‘Senza Fine’.  Eventually the camera pulls out to reveal her in all her voluptuity – as well as the stunning grand salon and the richly dressed people within.

Here we see beehives, French twists, sparkling earrings, gowns with capes awhirl, tuxedos and chiffon, candlelight and crystal.  As the song progresses, the set-ups are vaguely exposed as we see Francesca exchanging knowing glances or surprised gasps at certain individuals obviously involved in some vast scheme.  She makes incredibly sensuous moves, my favorite of which involves her hands on her buttocks, a stance she repeats elsewhere in the film. She extends her arms, she wraps her hands around the vintage microphone (the ‘Elvis mic’ to be specific) as if to give it fellatio, she hunkers and glowers and makes the song as sexy as possible, her earrings dangling all the while.

What follows is a lovely scene of pre-coordinated chaos, which for me is only superceded by the capsizing of the S.S. Poseidon.

Francesca.

My obsession was born – it started with screen-caps friends sent me via the computer which I could print out and savor (no known stills of her existed elsewhere).

Then the dolls began.

First of all there was the Bratz ™ version of Francesca, a wee miss with black hair that I managed to pin into style, and a piece of sock or something or other than became her gown. As I recall, she even had earrings pinned to her tiny vinyl head. A cheap, shit-and-giggled version of the Salon followed, with only male and female wedding cake toppers acting as her “audience”. It looked okay, only the entire group all had their arms clasped in front of them or were dancing with brides. 

Next came the My Scene ™ Barbie Francesca – she was easier to fashion, she was already black haired and had slanty wicked eyes to match – and a gown was spray painted gloss red.  I photographed her incessantly, in odd settings not specific to the film, such as period mock-ups of recording studios (singing what else?) and in dress shops with racks of red gowns that read “Prices Slashed” (a reference to the violence that occurs early in the film where all the lovely dancers are sliced in half) and ‘Killer Red Gowns”.

There were also scenes of her in her boudoir aboard the Graza, splayed over a fainting couch while a steward or a wayward shirtless lover attended her needs.

THEN came the “That Girl” Barbie ™, which had actual eyelashes – she was dressed in the same gown that I had used for My Scene ™, but she was a flash in the pan as she looked too much like Marlo Thomas as re-interpreted by the Barbie™ folks.

THEN came yet another twelve-and-a-half-inch Francesca replica, which really beat all – a friend mailed me a very vague brunette from a company called “Jakk’s Pacific”, which apparently dealt with realistic dolls. This one had collarbones and a realistic neck, individual FINGERS as opposed to the senseless mitts Mattel provides, and she was oddly cushy, almost like a sex toy itself. I reworked the hair, added the same spray-painted dress (it had actually been a strapless peignoir, but the glossy red paint had stiffened it up sufficiently).

NOW that I had “THE” Francesca, I had to build a setting for her.

I re-created the entire ballroom as best I could in a built-in cabinet in my living room hallway.

I re-created the band, even the bald guy playing violin and grinning to himself behind her back; the faceless drummer which is never seen, as well as the pianist and harpist, and ALL OTHER characters were often vague army, marine, or G.I. Joe dolls with blank expressions – no room for stupid Ken ™ smiles here – and they became the tuxedoed lot of male dancers, while the females were largely cheap Dollar Store girlies in flowing Barbie ™ gowns.

I had the wait staff, complete with aqua jackets and ‘Antonia Graza’ epaulets, I had some of the key extras (the woman who vomits up her poisoned soup and her balding host), I had everyone, even the Nazi-Bad-Guy Waiter and the Horse-Toothed-Man accomplice. I wasn’t sure quite how to arrange it all, so the setting became a series of different “rooms” on each shelf, depicting different scenes from the film.

There was Fran and her mic and the band, the bottom shelf was the Salon, and other shelves represented the Salon in distress, like when the lady vomits up her soup I used hot glue); the Baddens flowing into the kitchen with “weapons” consisting of blow dryers and pans and pies, while dead chefs lay sprawled on the floor. The scenario began to take on a humorous slant such as each “room” became a ridiculous scene unto itself – we see the little girl, Kate, standing bored as her neck slashing bad guys get so intrigued with all the gay toys in her cabin that they begin to play there; and the Mermaid Lounge, a room I made up where all the 50’s Celebs of the era hang out to avoid the mayhem. There wesee James Dean and Frank Sinatra serving drinks along with Elvis, while Sean Connery eyes a bored Marilyn Monroe, who is more interested in The Wall Street Journal than anything else. All these dolls were genuine Mattel or otherwise-manufactured likenesses of the actual individuals.

One room contains the films’ main Bad Guy, David Ferriman, who I turned into “Fairyman”, sporting a magic wand and a set of wings. He sits next to the Jaguar we see in the film; only it is a gay shade of Crushed Carnation.

So much for that – an extravaganza in itself, photos of which I sent to director Steve Beck with no reply – I still give him the benefit of the doubt in saying that he is in Timbuktu filming his next epic and hasn’t gotten to them yet…

THEN – Flash forward to Christmas 2003 – Bratz ™ had come out with a BIG ASS reproduction of some of their female characters, Sasha ™ I think it was. I immediately envisioned a giant Francesca.

I bought her instantly.

To add some more – well – “topheavyness_ upstairs I used an absurd adult toy called “Boobie Bathplug” which was a big set tits on a chain with a plug on one end. I plucked them off.

I harnessed them to Big Francesca, whose hair I had already sprayed black and parted, whose gown I made out of Chinese-red satin, just line in the movie. I had to wrap the bust line separately, so as to get them to look like they are properly ensconced in the gown, and trimmed the edges of the rubber boobies to accommodate Francesca’s front. I used some kind of vaguely invisible thread, I forget now, and there she stood. Big, busty, and wicked. I did nothing to the face except paint her eyes brown, and so was SO BIG I was able to use ACTUAL EARRINGS on her, I didn’t have to fabricate them – keep in mind I am NOT a seamster or clever with beads. But there she was.

NOW, this meant ANOTHER microphone, ANOTHER band in scale complete with Grand Piano, etc., but NO DANCERS, otherwise my entire living room would be taken up. The men in this case were discounted “men of Honor” dolls, created to commemorate the anniversary of Pearl Harbor, which was long out of date and the dolls were on discount at KAY-BEE™.

I bought tux components at doll stores and even gave them boutonnières.

She lives now on my coffee table as a centerpiece; the band-guys long abandoned after the cat kept knocking them this way and that. Her mic is there, and I have considered the humorous possibilities of sending a photo of her to MGA Entertainment, the manufacturer of Bratz™.

THEN – I had to become Francesca. A local community theater troupe was staging the musical revue ‘Forever Plaid’ which feature four gentlemen in 1950’s formalwear – these men would act as my band! I decided to make a music video.

I dressed in the most complicated outfit – a ladies ‘Body Briefer’ to make myself slimmer, a flesh colored full-body-coverage flesh tone leotard, a GIANT bra with huge tits underneath the ‘tard, a strapless red satin dress, and finally a matching red men’s cummerbund beneath the bust for more ‘lift’.

Then of course there were the wig and earrings and massive false eyelashes, the make-up, et al. Talk about layered!

I then drove to the theater early with my real-live Shure mic reproduction (which I had purchased for more than $300 JUST to do this) and various props.

Before the real show began, with the actors in costume, I then lip synched ‘Senza Fine’ (originally sung by Monica Mancini) while the men pretended to play an accordion, a pass, a jazz guitar, and a borrowed violin.

My blood red gloves (pun intended) were special spooky Halloween gloves with ridiculously long pointy fingers and as I sang I caressed each of the handsome men lovingly and simultaneously (yet gently) disemboweled them.

In a final shot I used novelty rubber guts (fake brains, hearts, stomachs) and streamers of shiny red metallic mylar which perfectly simulated (at least on video) dripping sheets of blood.After they are sliced and holding their innards together, I give the gentleman in front a delicate push as I continue to sing, and they tumble, one by one, like dominos. The End. Senza Fine.

I think the real Francesca is The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, this coming from a gay male, and she really does it for me – but I wouldn’t go all the way – in fact, I was disappointed that they chose to have her temporarily topless in the film (a clause in her contract no doubt) as I thought she was MUCH more suggestive in her Gown of Red.

Efforts to contact her have failed, as all she had at the time was a website in Italiano, and various shots with her hair down and her orbs exposed – I was disappointed again, as I wanted FRANCESCA photos and whatnot. After all, she is sultry, gorgeous, sensuous, all in red, and with that most WICKED set of Chests…