A Mummy tells the Cryptkeeper a short story about a bunch of people finding a female mummy who kills them all so the Cryptkeeper introduces the story called Bordello of Blood about a punk named Caleb (Corey Feldman) who rebels against his issters religious beliefs and gets into all sorts of trouble at bars and other places with his friend.
Suddenly they enter a funeral parlour as they both go in a coffin which leads to a basement that is actually a whorehouse but the whores are vampiress'.
Caleb is missing so his sister gets a detective named Rafe Guttman (Dennis Miller) to look for him which leads him into danger.

When I spotted the beginning of the film it looked decent with goldhunters going on a mission in a jungle in which they find a cave with a tomb in which they open it revealing a vampiress corpse. I had a bad feeling that something is about to happen and it does just that. Decent special effects happens in the story when all hell breaks loose.

Suddenly it becomes a total teaser in which at a lounge reveals a Mummy telling the Cryptkeeper this story. In face the beginning really tricked me as I was wondering as to how the Cryptkeeper comes into this. It looled entertaining within what they were talking about as well as showing comedic disputes.

When the real story rolls it seemed that I was going to be in for a good flick but I was fooled big time.
A solid beginning when Katherine Verdoux tries to talk to her rebellious brother Caleb on situations but he blows her off big time. This scene looked strongly done in offering some strong tension with all that happens here.

Then Caleb goes to a bar shooting pool with his burnout friends in which alot of powerful moments on them causing trouble. It looked convicing enough making you wonder if a riot will break out.

Caleb and a friend of his goes to a mortuary as a party is supposed to happen as this is when the flick downslides big time in which they are greeted by a mysterious morgue owner McCutcheon as he acts creepily chamring in a cheesy fashion as well as him forcing them to go into a coffin. This was done in trashy taste.
Suddenly these two are in for a surprise and enter a whorehouse in which they think they're in paradise but are in for a big surprise in which these whores have neck bites. Leaves off the impression that they're vampiress'. The setting of all this wasn't too shabby but the story starts to suck while we continue for the story unfold.

Next up there's a religious ceremony outside which looked incredibly lame and annoying in which Rev. J.C. Current speaks out and preaches to the people there. Then a camera shot on notes from a screen for him to say these words in which it shows alot of these religious types are phonies. All of this looked incredibly stupid.

McCutheon worked on some battered corpses in a cremation room in which this was supposed to be funny by what he does. It's really sick and gross to watch all of this. Yet some nicely concentrated camera shots throughout all of this.

A detective Rafe Guttman approaches Katherine to find her lost brother and other missing clues in which he acts very cocky and so fourth in which the chemistry with their aggressive interactions seems to do well. Yet the moments that happens here and there were done in poor taste.

However there's a moment with Rafe going to the whorehouse as well as tricking one of the vampiress to chain herself to a torture rack and he takes off on her. I thought that this looked clever but of course he loses his wallet so her friends who release her finds out about him which I admit leaves a sinking deadly feel to all this.
The settings in the whorehouse with vampiress' like Lilith tempting Rafe to touch her breasts as well as hallucinations on her being a cheerleader and so fourth looked stupid to watch. More bad comedy.

Rafe is battling against the vampiress' as well as being thrown out of a window as I must admit looked action packed but doesn't make up for the terrible plots in this awful flick.

Rafe and Katherine try to hunt down Caleb as I was wondering what happened to him but got the sinking feeling that he's not the same person. Yet the make up effects on his face looked a bit amateurish. However I've seen alot worst in much lower budget horror flicks.
Alot of wild action happens here with some decent camera takes as well as alot of energetic moments that involves Caleb which wasn't too shabby.

When Rafe ends up in a hospital the nurse whom isn't they seem as this is a nice surprising moments. Then the battles break out as I admit this looked strongly done. Afterwards a patient asks them to keep it down. Another moment that tries so hard to being funny but I forgot to laugh.

Rafe goes to the whorehouse and battles away the whores with holy water in which I admit was done in half good horror taste and half bad in the comedic taste. The effects on them dissolving or exploding looked rather amusing.

The final battle between the head vampiress Lilith against Rafe and Katherine I do admit was the best moment ever at where the religious ceremony happens offering mist on the stage and so fourth. But I couldn't wait for this flick to end at the same time.

Bottom line is that this has gotta be the worst Tales from the Crypt show ever!!!! I found this flick to be a complete waste of time. Not scary or the least bit funny. The story is very annoying with a grunting biker and a fruitcake coroner. The vampiresses aren't the least bit scary. It was interesting when some of the closing credits had the same one from the TV series.  

The acting is pretty hokey. Not too bad on the performances so I will cut these actors some slack

Dennis Miller (Rafe Guttman) was the best out of the cast in which he comes across as a perfect douchebag type of detective with his sleazy charm and jumping inot the scene in a decent fashion. Really knew on how to act slick too. He brought alot into his role but of course had years of experience as a sketch performer in Saturday Night Live and was a natural ham here.

Erika Eleniak (Katherine Verdoux) seemed to pull her weight into a fair fashion. Was good by trying to act calm while talking to someone during the beginning of her performance. Also was good and sharp when getting into a serious or stern situation. She showed off some okay energy into all that she did here.

Angie Everhart (Lillith) lived to play a head prostitute vampiress in which she had a nice smooth and tempting voice. Also does well reacting to drinking blood. Was strong when she is about to attack or behave powerful during the terrors. She tried to act comedic and almost could pull it off. Just not quite though.

Chris Sarandon (Rev. J.C. Current) definitely had the knack to portray a phony type of preacher. Was believably arrogant and cocky. Plus does a nice job by acting like a pussy later on in the story. Shows off good aggressions too. Studied this part very well.

Phil Fondacaro (Vincent Prather) was a bit over the top but I think it was his intention. He played a fruity morgue attendant. Seemed to get into his role though and comes across as untrustworthy. For sure was well remembered to anyone who saw this flick.

It's nice to see Corey Feldman (Caleb Verdoux) still getting work even if his role isn't too big. Was terrific playing a bad ass iin the flick by acting in your face arrogant. Also does a great job by acting like a vampire springing into action and terrorising. Came off very well by changing his voice.

Lots of topless women at a whorehouse.
There are topless women in dialgoue scenes too.
Many of them seems to have implants.
There are also some buttshots.

Many gory scenes which is to be expected in a Tales from the Crypt movie.
The Cryptkeepers hand is cut off.
Peoples hearts are being ripped out and eaten by vampiressses.
A bikers head is graphically ripped off by a vampiress.
Vampiresses melt and explode being sprayed by holy water.
Also a hole is burned through a body of a vampire.
A vampiress' chest is scarred.

Chris Boardman does this with good taste in which there's the odd chilling sounds on what you'd hear in a Friday the13th flick. Good smooth suspenseful classical music here and there with icy flowing sounds expecially with the scene's involving the vampiress' at the whorehouse.

A nice songtrack by The Sweet with their classic "Ballroom Blitz" during a battle with Rafe against the vampiress' at their whorehouse using holy water which suited the scene with the fast pacing of the song as well it was used in the closing credits. Nice choice.

Katherine: A whorehouse?
Rafe: A house inhabited by whores.

Lilith: Two! Four! Six! Eight! You can watch me masturbate.

Vincent Prather: You're a smart boy, Miguel. Because of that I'm gonna let you have some of what we find.
Miguel: Ah! Remember that you said that.
Vincent Prather: I will. I'm gonna let it have some of you, too.

Caleb Verdoux: Oh my God, it's a necrophiliac's wet dream!

Lillith: Don't eat your heart out, baby -- that's MY job.

Rafe Guttman: You're reminding me why being married to you drove me to the brink of homosexuality.

[Zeke's shot knocks a beer onto a girl.]
Rafe Guttman: Six pack in the side cleavage!

Zeke: Step outside!
Rafe Guttman: Sorry, Zeke -- I'm just not in the mood for a blowjob.

[Rafe is trying to gain access to the whorehouse, which is disguised as a funeral home.]
Rafe Guttman: I'm here for the, um, Cunningham wake.
McCutheon: I'm afraid the wake is closed tonight. Come back tomorrow.
Rafe Guttman: I, uh, really must pay my respects right now.
McCutheon: Then I suggest you come back TOMORROW.
Rafe Guttman: Maybe you don't understand me. I'm feeling excruciatingly SAD.
McCutheon: I'm so sorry.
Rafe Guttman: And if I don't grieve right now -- maybe even grieve two or three times -- I'm going to go out of my mind, okay?
McCutheon: Then I suggest you go mourn somewhere in private -- with a box of tissues!

Rafe Guttman: I'm not going to tell you those aren't the Breasts of the Century, but I'm just not digging the owner, so why don't you put those away; you're just not my type.

Rafe Guttman: Ah, the girls! Let them eat a guy named "Cake."

Tamara: Guess where you just landed, lover?
Rafe Guttman: Larry Flynt's id?

[After ripping Jenkin's head off.]
Lillith: I just love a man who gives you head -- and lets you keep it!

Rafe Guttman: I feel like I'm in a bad episode of Tales From The Crypt!

[talking to a she-vampire]
Rafe Guttman: I'd rather Crazy Glue my dick to the bullet train than fuck you.
[seeing a televangelist's glitzy chapel]

Rafe Guttman: Nice place, Katherine. Kind of like Superman's dad's place on Krypton.

[On the phone with his ex-wife]
Rafe Guttman: I gotta go. Fuck you.
[hangs up]

Rafe Guttman: Sorry Katherine, but that wasn't your brother anymore.
Caleb: Wrong! I'll always be your brother, sis.
Rafe Guttman: Katherine, run from your brother.

Miguel: [to Vincent] You drive us all the way to the end of the earth... for a fuckin' stiff?!

[Katherine attempts to swing on a chain from one platform to another.]
Rafe: That is the craziest fuckin' thing I've...
[Rafe attempts to leave, but sees the Vampire Caleb following close, and returns to Katherine]
Rafe: That is the second craziest fuckin' thing I've...

[A vampire bursts into flames after being squirted with Holy water]
Rafe Guttman: Cha-Ching! .