Goremet, Zombie Chef from Hell (1986)

   

Produced, Edited, Composed, Cinematographed & Directed by: Don Swan

Written by: Jeff Baughn, William Highsmith & Don Swan

Starring:

Theo Depuay .... Goza
C.W. Casey .... Azog
Kelley Kunicki .... Missy


Release Date:
Direct-to-Video: 1986

 

Rating:

 

A cannibal immortal seafood restaurant owner Goza (Theo Depuay) kills people as well as serving them as meals.

 

The film starts off with a prologue taking place 600 years ago with some brotherhood warlocks doing a ceremony along with a sacrifice in which it was shot with a camcorder type of camera in which they tried to make the film a cheap looking grindhouse feature. I had a feeling that I was heading for trouble with yet another terrible movie and I was right. The story on thos scene seemed somewhat confusing to understand but explains the immortality with the main character.
Then the story takes place present day in which one of ther brotherhood warlocks is facing the camera explaining the situations that are about to unravel which was done in a terrible amateurishly and trashy fashion.
The story fully begins at the restaurant with a husky guy about to have his meal and there's hair in the meat that he's eating as this is a hint that it's not an everyday meal. Gross. Also makes you wonder if he will be Goza's next victim for a meal if he finds out as to what he's cooking.
Outside a couple are making out as well as the boyfriend giving her a promise ring as this scene took too long to watch and a time waster. Also made me wonder as to why this was taking place but then it made sense when the boyfriend goes to the restuarant and finds that his fiancee is his meal when he spots a ring in his meat. Tried hard to be a dark comedic scene but this was totally stupid and sick while watching this all happening.
He tries to get some help from the employee Missy to unravel the terror that's happening to try and put a stop to Goza's evil deeds in which they go into a shack and from then on things looked too dark to see as to what is going on inside this object. There's a sacrifice that happens later on but it looked extremely amateurishly performed.
While I was in agony to carry on with this flick there's a moment with Goza and Missy doing some dirty dancing with a couple of burly leather chicks. This was overly lojng to kill time as I was thinking just kill these bitches already in which this was the plan.
An undercover detective goes to the restaurant to find the gruesome situations in which Goza's sidekick Azog kills him physically which I won't give it away but this character doesn't look convincingly powerful enough like Jason Voorhees or so fourth. He is burly but not ripped or anything. The murder on this looked terribly trashy to watch like the rest of the awful story.
When Goza meets with a woman for a drink who seems interested in this restaurant she tries to take his book of spells when not looking as this made me wonder if she will succeed or not.
More time wasters with two people discussing to hunt down Goza or a pushy midget being crude trying to see if he can get a job interview there which was a total drag to watch all of the putcomes of these situations.
Goza is then faced against one of the brotherhoods from centuries ago in which they are using powers to try and kill each other. Before you get too excited that there's special effects used there is none as this looked humiliating to watch and uninspired too.
Finally the ending does occur when a woman from centuries ago is ready to do this maniac in. She has powerful meanings when she speaks to him as this was probably the only scene worth watching.
Bottom line is as if Blood Diner wasn't bad enough as this one had nothing going for it and a total waste of time. I wondered as to who the zombie is since the title suggests it but when the story is about to end I saw what the writers meant. This flick was gross and a total bore to watch. A real time waster here folks.

The acting is terrible with virtual unknowns that didn't do anything else which wasn't a surprise. I figured that it was a group of friends trying to make a splatter film. I will do my best to review the 3 main actors in this one.... Theo Depuay (Goza) portrayed a demented immortal cannibal. He tried way to hard to have a creepiness in his talking or coming across as strange. I wasn't convinced that he can pull any characteristics and needed to find a better interest than acting.
C.W. Casey (Azog) plays his sidekick. He was a big guy and had the right looks for this type of role as a somwhat Igor type. Yet isn't as powerful looking as his character is supposed to have been. However, he delivers his lines in an okay fashion but that's not saying a whole lot either.
Kelley Kunicki (Missy) had the right pretty looks as the employee at the restuarant but was too over the top with her bitchy attitude and just couldn't pull it off naturally by whatever she did. She wasn't even convincing when she goes in for the kill in a certain scene. She was that amateurish.

Some women takes off their tops doing a funky dirty dance with their breasts exposed.
Women's buttcheeks are revealed on a table before being carved into a meal.

Pieces of arms, hands and feet are displayed in the restaurant during different times.
Body is being carved.
Decapitated head with flesh torn off is revealed.
Head is punched off with the remains.
Gruesome parts are smeared against an object.
Flesh is being peeled off.

Composed by three different people. Steve Cunningham, Dan Smith and Don Swan. A nice cheesy synthesizer buzzing and having low tones as well as some high icy chimes to it which is an attention grabber. However, at times the other types of music seems off key and annoying. At times it works in a cheesy and trashy fun way when the odd person gets killed too. Plus odd screeching horror sounds which is passable at times.

A funky ending with a group called Volition and their track "Losing You" which sounds a little too uplifting for a splatter flick such as this one. The song is a bit cheesy as you'll see what I mean if you check out the closing credits. Yet it's better than the story itself.

Midget: Excuse me, asshole! I'm here about the fucking job!

Bum: Don't go in there, devil himself lives in there. You'll never come out alive.
Stella's finace: Don't listen to him Stella, I make deliveries here, it's fine food.
Stella: Are you sure? It looks a little evil in there.