Modern Vampires (1998)


Co-Produced & Directed by: Richard Elfman

Written by: Matthew Bright


Casper Van Dien ... Dallas
Natasha Gregson Wagner ... Nico
Rod Steiger ... Dr. Frederick Van Helsing
Kim Cattrall ... Ulrike
Natasha Lyonne ... Rachel
Craig Ferguson ... Richard
Udo Kier ... Vincent
Gabriel Casseus ... Time Bomb
Robert Pastorelli ... The Count

Release Dates: Fantastisk Film Festival Lund: September 19, 1998; Fantasporto Film Festival: February 27, 1999



A mobster who is Count Dracula (Robert Pastorelli) is hiding in Los Angeles running a hideous club scene full of sleazy and perverted vampires as one of them is on the streets named Nico (Natasha Gregson Wagner) who is a bisexual vampiress prostitute and is picking up men and women to drink their blood which enrages the Count but what makes him more unhappy is that Dallas (Casper Van Dien), a youthful undead and former protégé, is in town and becomes a victim for Nico and then become lovers as the Count tries to get him to kill her and he refuses.
Another problem is there's a vampire slayer named Dr. Frederick Van Helsing (Rod Steiger) arrives in L.A. and hires a gang of Crips lead by a dude named Time Bomb (Gabriel Casseus) to hunt down and kill these vampires.
They're soon following Nico and Dallas. When they capture her, Dallas wants to deal: spare Nico and he'll lead the hunters to Dracula. It's time for stake and bake.


There's a scene with Dr. Frederick Van Helsing and Time Bomb against Vincent lying on a bed about to be sacrificed but it looks extremely lacking but there are good wide eyed and fang shots on Vincent himself.
There's is an interesting scene between Dallas and Nico by biting each others necks and drinking each others blood in a car along with their discussions together.
We have a hokey scene with Ulrike bathing Nico which looked quite stupid.
A hilarious moment with Nico viciously attacking a saleslady in a clothing store. Nice shot on Nico shooting with her gun in a junkyard.
Good close up shots on a lustful moment between Nico and Dallas.
There's a scene with Nico in a motor home trailer having a dysfunctional discussion with her family but it doesn't look at all believeable.
We do spot some slapstick action with some vampire slaying and gunfighting in a vampire bar but nothing too special there.
Bottom line: Watching this nearly plotless flick was pure agony and torture in a cross ripoff between Innocent Blood and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I couldn't tell if this was mainly a dark comedy with horror elements or a comedy horror as they made the story very awkward and way too slapstick. The story happens way too fast as you don't know most of the reason behind this other than it's about a mobster of vampires and a vampire slayer wants to do away with all of them and hires some dimwit to help him out. Although the budget is descent for a low budgeter you would want to avoid this one at all costs.

The acting is in very bad shape with wasteless talent. Rod Steiger (Dr. Frederick Van Helsing) was overly annoying as a vampire slayer that you'd just want to shoot him.
Kim Cattrall
(Ulrike) tries her best playing a vampiress but isn't too convincing with her accent that she used for this flick.
Robert Pastorelli
(The Count) seemed a little too goofy as a mobster type count in the film but has the good evil looks to him.
Who the hell hired Gabriel Casseus (Time Bomb) as a member of the Crips to track some vampires down. He did nothing for the film at all and was too bland.
However, Craig Fergusson (Richard) came across quite nicely with his humorous timing as one of the main vampires in the film.
Natasha Gregson Wagner
(Nico) seemed to stand out nicely as a vampiress prostitute.

Lots of boobs on vampiresses in a sleazy bar along with a butt shot on a guy too there.
Natasha Gregson Wagner
shows it off in a bathtub as well as a lustful scene and having her breasts fully exposed afterwards.

There's neck bitins with blood flowing down
Decapitated head
Stakes through the hearts

We have some old fashioned classical piano and violin playing as well as the odd guitar sounds all composed by Michael Wandmacher but it didn't do anything for the film at all.