Terror Firmer (1999)


Produced & Directed by: Lloyd Kaufman

Written by: Patrick Cassidy & Douglas Buck
Lloyd Kaufman & James Gunn (Novel)


.... Casey Kaufman
.... Jennifer
.... Larry Benjamin
Trent Haaga .... Jerry
.... Christine

Special Appearances:

Ron Jeremy .... Casey's Dad
Rachael Robbins .... Rachael
Ben Jones .... Himself
Lemmy .... Television Interviewer
.... Partier
Eli Roth .... Shocked Onlooker
.... Beautiful Headcrushing Witness
Kerry Kenney .... Woman with Eyeball in Her Cleavage

Release Dates: Chicago International Film Festival: October, 1999; Iceland International Film Festival: April 10, 2005







This is the story of a New York low-budget film crew, led by their insane and egotistical blind film director, Larry Benjamin (Lloyd Kaufman), who is trying to create a work of art.
In addition to the typical trials and travails of a Troma set, the crew is preyed upon by a sexually conflicted, bomb-toting serial killer.
Among the large poorly paid film crew, the movie centers mostly on production assistant Jennifer), who struggles to do her job while deciding between the two men in her life; the straight-laced boom operator Casey (Will Keenan), and the rebellious special effects operator Jerry (Trent Haaga).
The love triangle intensifies as the dead bodies mount with increasingly brutality. At the climax, the entire film crew bands together (both physically and sexually) against the mortal threat in their midst.


Of course in a Troma Team flick we spot some shocking slapstick moments with the Mysterious Woman murdering someone in a real gruesome way and then approaching a pregnant woman and real shocking situations as to what she does to her and her unborn child which was overall disgusting as I wondered if the makers were trying to spoof the idea on what the Mansonites did to Sharon Tate back in the days. This isn't for you who doesn't like gruesomeness to the extreme even though it was off the wall slapstick horror.
Then there's most of the opening credits which looked nicely done which was the only thing going for the film as well afterwards we have someone in some sort of an office taking his life pointing a gun to his head and things don't look pretty after on what he does. Then more slapstick moments when we have Christine entering with her cheesy lines and then this person taking his life springing back into action which made no sense but again I could never understand Troma flicks. However this was a teaser in which we see a film crew with a blind director Larry Benjamin shouting cut and complimenting these two people which is of course lame to have a blind director who can't see on what is happning in the action but the makers were trying so hard for this to be funny but it falls flat big time.
More grossout situations when Larry is in the can and Christine is having sex in the washroom doggystyle and this director urinates everywhere which was totally sick to watch all of this happening. Not the least bit funny with all that is happening and what they're saying due to all of this.
Afterwards a big party is happening with corny one liners for the party goers and we spot spot the Mysterious Woman again making out that she's going to have sex with one of these people and we reveal a painful situation with what she does to his cocaine which looked totally disgusting as well as what happens to his head too which is shocking and gross.
Then the film crew and director Larry works on a scene of a Toxic Avenger flick with him having sex with a lustful type as this was a terrible time waster watching all of this unravel.
A well focused situation with both Casey Kaufman and Jennifer having a dinner date at a diner with their discussions which is of course cheesy but not as corny as most of what we spot here but what is lame is that we hear a laugh track like this was supposed to have been a sitcom moment. Just more idiotic moments.
Afterwards she takes him to her house and they get into a lustful romantic mode which looked just as dumb and a total time waster on him banging her as well as eating pickles too as I was rolling my eyes big time while watching this unravel.
Yet when the story is rolling along we see a unique murder scene with a heavy set man Jacob Gelman being hacked on an escalator by the mysterious woman with an axe as there's alot of graphic horror violence coming into this sceneand how he's being crunched up on the electric staircase.
Then more dumb moments with Jennifer masturbating in her room imagining Larry doing macho things in front of her eyes which was yet another time waster into the story. This is overly exploited as I almost felt like I was watching a soft core porn dud.
The slapstick horror comes into the story again when the film crew finish off someone whom is supposed to die in a scene and they find out that he's really dead leading to investigations like any horror flick so I was starting to think this is a comedy horror so far but nothing serious at the same time.
Then there's the good cop/bad cop thing while questioning some of the filmmakers as well as them slapping around poor Larry which looked plain silly while watching this moment happening.
A deadly accident happens to a crew member with a big strobe light falling on his head which was supposed to look suspenseful but again this moment is a total flop and corny with the results afterwards.
Then two vechicles come crashing in between another crew members legs which will please fans of graphic horror violence as well as some of the people revealing that no one was driving the vehicles which was supposed to draw into the mysterious moments but again this doesn't do the trick.
A real disgusting scene in the flick is when someone tries to run and hide in an outhouse and a bunch of people knock it over and someone plans to do CPR with this victim knocked unconcious YUCK! Plus a corny moment when Christine has her nose squashed and it looks like a cartoon type of object which isn't the least bit funny.
Then more stupidity when someone bandages another fellows face to prepare to have a mask put on him but the person doing this has to leave for a sec and a lustful woman gets naked with him and then someone gets shot which caused a flee of freaked out crew members and this naked person runs out in the city which I had the odd chuckle but mainly because I thought this was getting too much that it couldn't get more lame than this.
More perverted moments when we have the Mysterious Woman pulling hard on someone's cock stretching it out and torturing this victim. Once again I'll mention this LAME!
Then more of the horror comes into the story when Jennifer discovers who the actual killer is which looked cheesily powerful to watch with the slapstick added to it as well as to what he has collected which looked totally gross along with whom he has caged up as this looked pretty twisted.
Then an interesting cheesiness when Jennifer runs to the crew and tells them about the situation on who is the killer which looked silly but necessary for a horror flick as well as this killer threatening to let loose a time bomb as things looked strong for a slapstick horror flick. It drew my attention even if nothing on this was serious at all but yet gross out stuff when this killer reveals his sexuality too which was sick.
Bottom line is that this is another gross out Troma Team horror flick style which is slow to catch up on the horror with the lame brained off the wall comedy not taking itself seriously at all. I had a hard time watching this flick as this was juvenile humor with tons of adult situations. Never was a fan of these types whatsoever. Yet the picture quality looked good and somewhat a grindhouse type of feel to everything too. Otherwise avoid this piece of garbage.

Any kind of acting in a Troma Team flick is way over the top and off the wall but I'd have to say this was the best acting in this flick in which (Casey Kaufman) way probably the best in the cast in which he showed off a convincing macho type of personality as well as acting perfectly charming especially with his conversation in a diner acting quite romantic. Reacts well to being unhappy in certain situations as well as showing off a crazy attitude quarter way through sounding like a perfect transvestite like you'd see in Rocky Horror Picture Show but he didn't try to clone the same actor as it came out natural.
(Jennifer) was the best actress in this flick as things seemed to flow out naturally by what she was talking about as well as showing a lice type of decent behavior. Also does a nice job acting aggressive and difficult in another part of the story which she was fairly funny by being this way. Yet when she chokes her words out in fear later on she is too over the top which was one of my only criticisms on her performance.
(Larry Benjamin) has always acted kookie within whatever he does and does so here but in comedic style with his hyperactive attitude. Plus he is okay by acting blind but isn't overly believeable. Still tried to pull his weight the best he could. After all things were awfully comedic in the story so he tried to go with the flow.
Trent Haaga (Jerry) had a great hyped up behavior and seemed to show great adrenaline and enthusiasm into his speaking and was on the ball with stuff. He seemed to show nice characteristics in whatever he did as well as having the decent motive and looks for all of this too.
(Christine) seemed very slick in her speaking as well as playing it cool with stuff. I liked the way she came across as well she shows off a good whiney behavior along with showing annoying aggressions. Struts herself by portraying a diva in a film. I've often enjoyed her performances in shows and does this with okay style.
) stood out strong in her supporting role as a lesbian in which she had the perfect looks and butchy attitude. Seemed to show a good tough attitude too. Plus was on the ball while trying to work on a project in which she made her characteristics come to life in great style. I'd say that she was the best supporting cast member.
) seems to represent his role okay as he was a very heavy set guy which does the trick as well as having a somewhat sleazy attitude coming across to women when he talks to them. He knew on how to act silly and comedic but yet isn't award winning material but who is in the flick like this one.

The film is overly exploited with nudity and everything that you can imagine so I will do my best to sum it up as possible.
Actress pulls down her top while getting doggystyle in a washroom.
Certain flashing moments with breasts revealed.
Topless woman with big sagging breasts is revealed outside with a film crew.
Party goer takes all his clothes off when trying to get it on with the Mysterious Woman in a bedroom and yes he is fully exploited.
Fully naked woman is fornicating while a film shoot is happening.
A woman is bare breasted while getting into a romance with her new boyfriend.
Breasts revealed when she is masturbating on a bed.
Lustful one takes off her top while about to get it on with a guy having a bandaged wrapped around his face as well as full frontal nudity on him running around in the city.
Guy's cock is stretched out.
Woman's breasts revealed when doing a sex scene while on set.
Lots more skin but couldn't keep track.

Man's leg is ripped off
Pregnated woman's stomach is torn out with her unborn child
Persons brains are splattered after shooting himself in the head
Persons fingers are chopped off
Brain is torn out of a person's head
Mans head is crushed by a car
Fellows legs are torn off
Heavy set man is crushed to death and chopped up with an axe as well as being killed by an escalator with his insides revealed as well
Actress is bloodily shot
Mans hand is chopped off
Someone's face is mangled after a strobe light crashes on him
Body pieces are revealed in jars
Man's face is distorted
Body explodes after a time bomb hits him

Nobuhiko Morino doesn't do much composing for the story but will do my best to describe as to when it comes in as there's cheap synthesizer classical sounds for the certain spots like a certain murder scene with high sounds that's barely catching my attention as well as some other types of music here and there but most of the music were scores from thrash and heavy metal composers that I didn't care for.

Christine: I've just been pissed on by a blind independent movie director!

Jerry: Hey Ward, according to these new revisions, Toxie finds out that the chemical company responsible for turning him into the Toxic Avenger was called Junk-O Chemicals.
Ward: No way!
Jerry: Way! It turns out that it was owned by his late father who made this plant which made Toxie sick which is why he commited suicide, and Toxie never even knew it!
Casey: All these revisions... it's absolutely ridiculous.
Jerry: I'm sorry, what?
Casey: We change the script every day. It completely changes everything in the story.
Jerry: Yes. You can do whatever you want to at Troma. It's this shit in which the best chaos emerges.
Casey: How can you like this offensive garbage anyway?
Jerry: Because it is offensive. Sometimes pissing people off is the only reason to get them to look at shit. [the Mad Cow Boy standing nearby yells 'moo']
Jerry: See? Even Mad Cow Boy agrees.

Mysterious Woman: [after stabbing Toddster in the head and tearing out a chunk of his brain] This is your brain.
Toddster: Dude, my brain!
[She puts the brain into a frying pan filled with cocaine]
Mysterious Woman: And this is your brain on drugs!

Larry Benjamin: Christine, that was great! Now all we have to do is a couple of pickups and we can go home.
Christine: Larry, my contract with you says 15 hours and I've been here for 22 hours now! I'm tired and I want to go home!
Larry Benjamin: Of course you want to go home. While you were in that last scene, I could have sworn you were Marilyn Monroe in River of No Return. You were so beautiful in that!
Christine: Really, Larry? Marilyn Monroe?
Larry Benjamin: Yeah.
Christine: Well... I guess I could do a couple of more times. How do I look? [Christine moves Larry's hand over one of her breasts]
Larry Benjamin: You look great, Marilyn... I mean, Christine.

Larry Benjamin: Quiet! Quiet, quiet, quiet! What's going on here? I'm the director! I am the director! I'm not saying that because I'm on some kind of ego trip or on some kind of bullshit artistic vision! I'm telling you this because I've been directing ten-cent movies for 30 years and I think I know a little bit about what I am doing! And I know a little something about the world because I'm a 52-year-old manic asshole! It's a horrible world! Starvation, dismemberment, torture, rape, corn-holing... it's horrible out there, but it's worse here in the movie set! We have danger... and stupidity! I don't want someone dying on my set! If someone dies here, I'll blow my brains out and it will be your fault! My career will be over and it'll be your fault! Now, if I have to go around wiping your asses, just let me know. I'll just get some toilet paper and go around to each and every one of you wiping everyone asses. Do you want me to wipe your asses?
[everyone mumbles 'no']
Larry Benjamin: I don't believe you. But we'd better soldier on. Now, let's make some art!

Jennifer: I'm glad that wasn't a real knife.
Andy: If course it was not a real knife. We wouldn't even allow a butter knife on the set. We all know Benjamin's three simple rules to safety. One, safety to humans. Two, safety to people's property. And three, make a good movie.
Casey: Yeah, too bad he can't seem to get rule three right.

Audrey Benjamin: [speaking for the first time] You killed my daddy, you maniacal, media-manipulated, homicidal, hermaphrodite freak of nature!