Blonde Heaven (1996)

   

Directed by: David DeCoteau

Written by: Kenneth J. Hall, Mark Millenko & Matthew Jason Walsh

Starring:

Julie Strain .... Illyana
Raelyn Saalman .... Angie
Alton Butler .... Kyle
Jason Clow .... Pluto
Mary Tudor .... Natasha
Janine Stillo .... Megan
Danny Dallas .... Lance

Special Appearances:

Michelle Bauer .... Amanda Blackwell
Joe Estevez .... Carl Bibbs

Release Date: Direct-to-Video: June 18, 1996 (Australia)

Rating:

 

A group of vampires lead by the lustful lesbian vampiress Illyana (Julie Strain) starts a modelling/escort agency known as Blonde Heaven in which they lure in lustful types only to make them into their own.
A couple from Oklahoma travel to Los Angeles in which one of them named Angie
(Raelyn Saalman) joins the agency as she wants to enter the movie business but Illyana takes a huge interest in her and slowly she becomes part of the creatures of the night while Angie's boyfriend Kyle (Alton Butler) goes to the aid of a vampire slayer Pluto (Jason Clow) to try and rescue her from these evil fiends.

 

We spot a blank screen with the opening credits cutting into a lustful couple as I had a real bad feeling that this was going to be a terrible movie while watching this scenery happen and boy was I ever watching a bad flick as we cut to what looks like a group of vampires digusied into some sort of an FBI wearing sunglasses sitting at a meeting table as well as them watching a model taking a long shower with a guy taking off his clothes and joining in which is the prime focus here and then this guy being a hallucination with the head vampiress Illyana forming and raising her head showing her fangs ready to bite into this woman as I was finally convinced now the horror comes into this after utterly watching an overly long erotic scene. I was finally thinking to myself that it's about time we spot some horror into the story while watching soft core porn so far without much of a plot.
Then we also spot many other lustful takes which are mainly lesbian types getting erotic involving one another and then at times spotting their fangs ready to do their victims in but it doesn't look threatening at all.
Yet there's some good scene's that involves a couple from Oklahoma just arriving in Hollywood known as Angie and Kyle in which their discussions looked good and serious which is probably one of the only solid moments in this story as well as their disagreements too.

We also have a nice smooth discussion between Illyana showing Angie around in which this seemed to look soothing, lustful and mellow by what we spot here as well as nicely focused too. Of course we get more into the skin as well as Angie getting into her trance as well as her about to bite into her.
We also spot a lustful scenery with young looking jocks in their calvin klein underwear as well as nude women caressing them and doing some sort of a voodoo type dance with them as this seemed like a pre-Brotherhood and other future projects that DeCoteau would direct next but most of them were done in a bit better taste than seeing this. The choreography however looked fairly artsy here and catches your attention as well as good close up camera shots on all of this.
There's some stale mysterious moments when Kyle checks out Angie's neck thinking it's a hickey and realising that it's a bite mark as well as her getting aggressive with him adding nice clues to her becoming a full fledged vampiress so again it's good we see the horror in here than just the lusting all the way through most of the story here to cover up the plot and kill time.
There's a corny scene that didn't fit into the plot at all when we have an actor practising his part with an actress and then runs away when he spots a real vampiress as this seemed awfully silly to spot and seemed like a totally different story alltogether.
There's also some cheesy moments when both Kyle and his sidekick Pluto go in and check the place out with over the top dicsussions and bad writing too while we watch all that goes on here such as when Kyle is mistaken as an actor and has to change into a wardrobe as we spot nearly the full monty as well as a corny moment when Pluto encounters the main vampiress we expect to see in the beginning of the flick but don't till nearly the quarter way through known as Amanda Blackwell when she is about to bite him and he finds ways on protecting himself with a crucifix wearing his boot or other devices and the reactions too all this seemed stupid and comedic which didn't suit the story at all.
We also spot slow motion vampiress battling sequences between Illyana and Megan as well with Kyle against Lance which looked very off and uninspired.
Bottom line is that this film is full of suggested sex and that's the main focus with vampiress lust as well. Not the leaast bit scary and totally lacking. DeCoteau used one of his fake names as Ellen Cabot for this one since it's so common when we spot this film showing exploitive nudity and not much of a plot like you see in Beach Babes from Beyond or Deadly Embrace. He also used it in Murder Weapon which is not as bad as this flick but a bad movie with lots of skin. Best to skip this as you're not missing out on much with this one.

The acting on par from good, mediocre and bad. Lead actress Julie Strain (Illyana) seemed to stand out greatly well as her part as the supposed head vampiress and was really direct with her orders and speaking too. She also knew on how to speak smoothly and lustfully as well as coming across as wickedly charming. She was okay at acting violently aggressive but sometimes she lacked in certain spots of the story but again it was mainly due to a bad plot as well. She also stood out greatly tall and towering for her part and had the perfect appeal for this role too.
Raelyn Saalman (Angie) seemed quite sharp as the clever girl next door type as she speaks well with her lines and seemed to do fairly okay whenever she gets aggressive but sometimes is a bit too much. However she seemed good within her energy so that makes up for her lacking spots and comes off to the camera quite well throughout her performance which really matters when we watch her do her stuff here.
Alton Butler (Kyle) played the hunky masculine heartthrob boyfriend whom also had a perfect appeal as the guy next door type which he clearly shows this part off a great deal. Has the right clean cut looks as well as doing well stressing a situation or acting perfectly likeable too. Yet when he gets aggressive he lacks in alot of spots and sometimes acts over the top. But again comes off onto the cmaera with his appeal quite nicely here.
Jason Clow
(Pluto) really came across as perfectly annoying as a bimbo vampire slayer and really got on my nerves. He was really trying too hard on his role and over the top wasn't the word for this guy at all. He was so mellodramatic and very wooden too. Didn't seem to know what to do as he seemed awfully too hyperactive whenever he spoke and needed serious acting lessons as he was in trouble whenever we saw what he did here and wasn't the least bit funny although he tried so hard to be that way onto the camera.
Janine Stillo
(Megan) seemed to have the right looks for her role as a jealous vampiress and knew on how to react to certain things as well as having the perfect evil looks for her part in which she was on target for acting sharp with her attitude coming across as a silent type too. Definetely was effective in her supporting role.
Michelle Bauer (Amanda Blackwell) as usual is mediocre but yet knew on how to act lustful and cold within her speaking but when she trieds to react painfully to a situation and is humoress she is quite off and unfunny. Yet towards near the end of her performance was great and forceful as the leader of the pack speaking strongly and being a good commander adding a nice darkness to her vampiress behavior.

There's a lustful sequence during the opening credits breats fully exposed and big too.
A woman is barebreasted taking a shower.
Many lesbian lustful scene's with breasts exposed as well as briefly the butt and crotch. Sometimes the men's crotch and butt is exposed too during a woman and man lustful moment. Most of this fills the plots to the story as we often spot this.
A sex scene is revealed by the two lead actors crotch exposed and breasts too.
A woman is fully naked from top to bottom while shining a spotlight for a filming. During this we spot a couple having sex doggy style with the guys crotch and butt as well as the woman's breast and butt revealed too.
A guy's butt and crotch is fully revealed while getting undressed.
ANother scene with a woman fully naked while taking off her clothes to dress into something else.

The music sounds pretty terrible in some spots having a light sounding synthesizer music especially for the opening and a bit of the beginning on this flick which suits the awful Zgrade story itself. However there's the odd mild bonging and some chiming sounds for the suggestive vampiress biting scene's which works in well. Plus we hear some nice piano playing and clarinet music too mainly for a sex scene used in the film which sounds nicely put together. There are certain strong suspenseful synthesizer classical playing as well as some drum booming for the adventureous situations adding a nice versatality. Plus some annoying techno and house type rhythm beats throughout alot of the lesbian sex scene's and the nudity shower scene's too which really got on my nerves. The closing credits sounded half good when we hear some Spanish type guitar plucking but then we hear the trashy light synthesizer music blending in as well. All of this was put together by Reg Powell.